I wonder......

I wonder......

What it is inside us that makes us desire things.....what is it about our nature that makes us want stuff? I watched this woman on Oprah that would rather look beautiful and spend money on her hair and nails than provide health insurance for her six children....Why?
I walked around the mall tonight and coveted my little....well big booty off. I wanted things and stuff and I wanted them now! It really is annoying, it makes life less than tolerable at times. I hate that i have to struggle and make pacts with myself to not buy this or not buy that. Why?

I wonder....

What I'm meant to be in this life....I know I say that missions is my calling and it's what I see God asking me to do with my life, but I still do not know what that looks like. I wonder if I have what it takes to be on the mission field? Is it all just something that I've made up? a speaker that I heard this week talked about how we are never given the exact road map for life. We are not given a promise of a plan from God, but we are given the promise of good thoughts from God. I was not really happy with this understanding. While good thoughts from God can't really be a bad thing, it is not an exact thing, and that is what I'm looking for right about now. If not an exact thing, a clue that I'm heading inthe right direction would be nice. It seems with so many avenues available out there and all the places inthe world to work, how can one person ever find where they are supposed to be? I don't know, maybe none of this makes sense... I know we are supposed to trust and obey, but sometimes this just sucks. I've put in all these years at seminary and I still do not know if I am cut out to work in minsitry.
I know this is a lot of boring self-doubt stuff....but it's all stuff that I'm wondering about...

I wonder.....

If grandma and uncle Dean hang out together in heaven......and if it will ever be normal for them to not be around....

I wonder.....

If the recent weather has to do with global warming and if my little bit of recycling is going to help in changing things.....but these are things I wonder about everyday. Do we make a difference in the little things we do? I sure hope so, in a world with so many problems it's nice to know that we can help in some way.....