mmmmm Fall......

Yesterday I stepped outside and breathed in a great big breath of Fall! And as I sit here with a mug of cold apple cider, reminiscing about that moment I think about how odd this fall is. When most things in nature are reaching the end of a cycle, I feel like I'm growing. I'm not quite sure why this is, I'm happy about it, no doubt about that, I'm just not sure as to where it is leading.

For a while now I have felt quite dead. Which is also weird, because recently I fell in love, and while I have had these feelings of love toward a wonderful man, I still feel like I have been lacking emotion in general, I have been apathetic to most of the world around me, hard and cold. it's not a pretty feeling, I do not enjoy it. But for some reason as of late I've felt a bit of hope seep its way back into my life. I actually have the desire these days to get up off my butt and go for a bike ride or take a walk, even, dare I say...work out.... I am not saying that happiness is working out.....that would be sad....
if I was honest with myself I would say I was, and probably still am going through a season of mourning. Losing loved ones is a part of it, but mostly, mourning the loss of a phase of life. This summer I think I realized where I am at currently in life and it scared me, it still does. With a grandparent passing and another almost passing and still sick, I realize that I am not longer the youngest generation of my family and that the oldest generaztion is fading. It's my turn to be a part of the middle generation...time to sit at the grown up table, maybe tote children to the granparents house, but this time the granparents are not my grandparents, they are my parents.
In the words of the bad early 90's TV show, "Life Goes On." I never really understood why the show was called that, but it coined a phrase for anyone who is remotely touched by the generation it influenced. Life goes on, we can not stop it, we can only learn to live in it, enjoy the reminiscing of the past and look forward to the future.
I think that recently realizing what happened to me this summer is what has sparked this inspriation back into my life. I feel more passionate about life about God about my work, and it is a lovely feeling, even if it is exhausting.
So my words of wisdom/advice/encouragement/ are as follows just as the seasons of this world come and go, so do the seasons of life. Just as the times of sadness and mourning occur so do the times of joy and lightheartedness, and it is for these valleys and mountains that we give thanks to God, because he is there with us, in all that we experience He experiences with us. I believe that God experienced Fall with me the other day, it was almost as if he said, "Look! it is over, this is a new season, let's see how we go!"