Scouting the Divine....

So I've been reading a book called Scouting the Divine and it has touched my heart in places that I thought no longer had surface area exposed and for that I am thankful.

Lately I have felt like a failure, well not just lately but for a while now. Like I have lost who I am, my courage, my zest for life, my desire to be exposed to anything and everything new. I've felt abandoned in a time when I have needed guidance most in my life. And I'm not sure what it is but I do know that I have had enough of it.

So lately I have been deperately seeking for words of inspiration, guidance, wisdom anything that will help me to understand this season of life. And all I have to say is thank God for Margaret Feinberg. A woman who I have never met has spoken words to me in her book that have soothed the aching corners of my heart. Someone who finally has brought something to my attention that makes me excited and encouraged to know and serve the God that I believe to exist.

While I could quote several pages, paragraphs, sentences and descriptions of her views of God there is one that I stopped at the other night and read over and over and over again, because I found so much hope in those few words.

She was discussing her lack of faith in a church (and in God) that was trying to move into a building of which they only had 1/3 of the funding for. And in the end she was proved wrong, the church raised enough money and in plenty of time, she writes.....

"The event unveiled the stoniness of my own heart. As I prayed, I felt like the Lord firmly corrected me, 'You have no idea what I am capable of!'.....Though my faith may be weak-even nonexistent- God is still preparing the soil of my heart for greater things."

I just love this perspective because it shows me that even though I might have abandoned the God I once was eager to serve, God has not abandoned me. The spirit is still planning on using me, the spirit wants me, loves me and has not forgotten about me despite the lies that I have told myself.

It's true, I have no idea what God is capable of and I find it odd that I keep forgetting this truth simply because I daily find myself in wonder of the world around me. In wonder of the majesty of creation, the complexity of the human being, the vastness of life's possibilities. How could I let myself believe that I have been resorted to substitute teaching and house cleaning for the rest of my life? How could I let myself believe that the same God who created and perfected the intricate details of a mere beehive has no use for me?

No, there are plans for me, there are plans for each of us. My prayer is that the spirit, as she prepares the soil of my heart that she enriches it with the nutrients to support great works. Great works that will one day produce a harvest that reeks of a painful beauty that can only be attributed to the God who does not abandon.