emotion....really?

I often feel like I am caught between two worlds. Rationalism and emotion. And while I'm certain that I am not the only one who has to deal with issues such as these, I would just like to state that it is confusing as hell. I typically find myself trying to close out any possiblity of emotion from my life. Why? well, I just don't know. Maybe I think I'm too cool for emotion, maybe it's a self-defense mechanism, but honestly, it's been so long since I've gotten hurt or really felt something that I'm kind of curious as to what it feels like. Enter emotion situation.
I'm so tired of being numb. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the protection and detachment that comes from being a heartless individual, however, I just don't feel like a human any more. I've come to the realization that if all we can get out of life comes from the day to day process of agendas, schedules five year plans and yearly budgets then damn.....life is just sucky. There is more. There has to be more. I think I've always known that life is more then the day to day stuff, but I think to truly buy into that means relinquishing a great amount of control over one's life. Taking risks on people, on friendships, on relationships takes a great amount of trust and faith and ability to acknowledge the fact that one day you will be let down by those individuals, because they are human and they will let you down. But that doesn't mean that the risk shouldn't be taken.
To emotionally invest in life.....to invest in people.....scary, yet necessary to truly experience life on this great big ball of dirt......Sometimes you have to go back to the basics in order to continue the journey.


P.S. the other day I was driving out to the country area of Anderson, and I saw the really weird dog that looked like a giant house cat. Not like a lion or bobcat......but like a giant housecat the size of a lab......creepy.....