will we ever truly understand ourselves.....

or is a constant matter of evolving. Just when you think you have yourself sorted out and you might understand the ways in which your mind works, something happens, and things get all fucked up again.....It doesn't even have to be something monumental or catestrophic, it could be one simple phrase from a book, or the look of a stranger, an unsuspected evaluation made by a child, ( i.e. a child looking at you and saying to your face..."you are not happy." yeah, it happened) Do we just put all of this on the back burner and continue with life as though everything is what it is and there is nothing to be done about it? or do we search to the point of insanity.
I've been reading a book titled, "women's ways of Knowing." it really is fascinating what the female pschye is capable of. The mental torment and pressure that women place on themselves and the amount of responsiblity that we take on even when no one has asked us to. This is not to say that men do not have issues such as these, but I am female, and I really have no idea what goes on inside of my mind, let alone the opposite sex. The book talks about the ways in which the woman thinks so far it has covered two categories or results of various upbringings, the first being a way in which a woman konws who she is becasue she has been told who she is, or a woman who does not know who she is becasue she has been told what she could be by many people but does not have and inner voice of authority defining who she is. This of course is better expalined by the author, and I might have just massacered the actual definitions of what they were trying to explain, but the bottom line is....I don't think I have ever truly understood who I am and built from that. I have always built from what I have always been told that I am. I have always suppressed my desire to doubt authority because who would tell what is right and wrong if I alienate myself from them. Sad isn't it?Maybe not sad, but certainly something that needs to be worked on.
I feel as though there is a change about to happen in my life, something big. Something that I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for, but something I am excessively excited about, I'm not sure what it will be, but I'm hoping for a little bit of self-revelation.....