I think I figured it out

I just want to take care of people....

I've struggled with this thought of maybe I'm abandoning what I thought was a call to go to Africa. but when i think about what i want to do there....it plays out to be the same sort of thing that I want to be here. And that is to take care of people who have been wronged by those who are supposed to love them the most.

In Africa, I've just wanted to care for orphans. And I know that not all of them have been "wronged" lots have just lost parents due to death and disease. But When i think about what I want to do here i want to take care of people who have been mistreated by the church.

And if I CPE myself, I think the root of this desire is that i want to compensate for what I've seen the church do to my family and families like mine. And I think to pursuit this desire is not unhealthy. I know that i will never get an apology from those who treated my mom and dad poorly and made church into an angry place for me. But i can provide a safer place for people who have experienced the same sort of situation. Providing a safe space.....that's what I want to do. Wherever I am in this world, I want to provide a safe space.