Sometimes the thought of working for the church in a clergy position makes me want to vomit. Narrow-minded, ethnocentric, ignorant, unmoving, stubborn, angry, bitter, systematic, judgmental, chauvanistic, racist, prooftexting, fake, entertainment. These are all words that come to mind when I think of the churches that I attend or have been a part of or hear about around the nation and world.
This breaks me heart. In my mind I have a picture of what I hope the church would look like. It's a beautiful picture. the structure is made entirly of nature. Thick sturdy trees make the walls and the branches cross over each other to make a roof that provides shade but allows the light to seep in. there is no wall at the front of the church, just an open space that looks out onto a majestic scene of mountains and a river that flows across the horizon. We sit on the floor on the the thick lush grass. In we I mean peoples of all types, old young, men and women, all colors of the human pallate are represented. We all can understand each other's language and converse freely about the overwhelming presence of the spirit in this place. we sing with no instruments. Just the instruments bestowed upon us by the creator. we do not fight over doctrine, we simply know that we are God's and God is ours, and that is sufficient. The church has no door, no one can be shut out, the gay man, the lesbian, the alcoholic, the prostitue, the child molestor, the murderer all are presnt all are welcome all are loved.
In this church there is no hierarchy. We recognize that all are called to lead, all are called to minsiter. We recognize that the work of the church is not to be placed on a select few but all are called to be an active part of the body of Christ and we are EXCITED about it. It is not a burden.
We recognize the interconnectedness of all, the earth, the woman, the man, the child we all come from the same source and we celebrate it, we do not try to seperate it and we take care of this connection. We see God for the caring involved God that he is, and not the judgemental being that hovers above waiting for our mistakes.
But alas....this picture in simply an imaginative desire. This is not the state of the church and the real picture is a loathsome one. Racism found amongst all ethnicities, spiritual abuse in the church runs rampant, patriarchy dominats the church structure.... I could go on and on. This state of being is one that is discouraging, angering, frustrating and causes one to even wonder if it is worth getting involved with.
However, there is something greater than the state of the church, than our fallen ability to be this body and that is the call to be this body. It is undeniable. No matter how much I hate it, how much it disgusts me at times, I can not deny the call on my life to be an active member of the church. And so, I continue on, I continue on even when I am told I am not able to be a female and serve in the church as a pastor, I continue on when I am exposed to blatant racism in the church, I continue on even when I am discounted from a service simply because I am a "kid." I continue on because I know the picture in my mind is too beautiful to keep to myself and the only way for me to share is to make it a reality.
