A time apart....

"Women's lives are made up of cycles of decent and ascent. At crucial times we must seek out periods of inner solitude, deep brooding and being, intervals of spiritual apartness where we move down into the depths of ourselves to mine the dark gorge and bring new treasures into the light." ~Sue Monk Kidd

Ever feel like you're dying inside? like slowly but surely no matter how much light and water you give your soul, you just aren't growing, in fact the truth of the matter is that all that you've tried to do to "fix" your problem has started to cause you to dry out from too much sun, or are experiencing the feeling of drowning from too much water. It seems like in a situation like this the best thing to do is uproot and re-pot if one hopes to survive. And while settling into a new environment could be shakey, it sure as hell is better then trying to fix the problem in its current state.....that is how I feel. I feel it is time to do some serious soul searching.
I went to a college age ministry this past Sunday. At which the pastor spoke about formation and how after we accept Christ into our hearts we go through the tedious act of formation. He used the analogy of a bouncy ball. how this tiny ball has been given the potential to bounce extremely high if all of one's energy is put into the motion of bouncing it. He stated that, yes, the ball will bounce with just a little bit of effort, but it will never reach its full potential.
If we want to reach our full potential we have to put all of our effort into serving Christ. To be honest with you, I don't know what that means for me. One would think that in being in seminary that would be an example of devotion, but I don't think that the education is enough. Somethign needs to change inside, thus, I am retreating so that I can figure out what that is. Not retreating as in running away, but retreating as in being re-potted, starting over, seeing if this time, maybe I can take root and stand firm against the weathering of this world.....wow, that was a lot of metaphoring....

Spring is like......and, sometimes men annoy me

Spring is like an epiphany. I say this because I woke up the other morning looked out my window, and right there in front of me was spring. I don't think I had felt that happy in a long time. spring never ceases to amaze me. I mean, I always know it's coming and I wait in feverish anticipation for it to arrive, but still I'm always really excited when it finally arrives.
This change in season is always refreshing, almost like a new beginning.

That is the first thing I wanted to address today.

Secondly, I would just like to state that I can not stand when men make cat calls. If there are in fact any men that are reading this, which I highly doubt, hear these words.....treat women with respect, do not call out to them like you would a dog. It would be lovely to be able to drive down the street and not have some man rev his engine in the car next to me and stare as though he were mentally undressing me. For example, the other day all I was doing was walking out of my house and this car full of guys, or should I say boys, called out,"You're all I need girl, You're all I need!" A) I am not a girl, the small child playing in the front yard the next house over, that is a girl. B)If the first thing you say to me is that I am all you will ever need, then there is not way in hell that I would ever give you a second look. not that I would ever give a second look to someone calling from a moving vehicle to begin with. C) think about it, what if it was your little sister, or cousin or even mother on the recieving end of those calls? Would you still think it was ok? I am a person, I can not help it that I was given breast and a vagina, and I don't mind it, I actually like being a girl, but this does not excuse you treating me as though I am as disposable as a plastic cup. Please conduct yourself in a dignified manner, and keep your lude comments to yourself.

temper tantrums not accepted

Last Friday as I watched the woman I babysit for interact with her child,I realized something. My God is nothing at all like that woman. As much as I think or might hope that my God is like that woman, he isn't. Stay with me here, I have a point.

Here's why:
In order to protect the reputation of the individuals involved, names have been changed. Susan, the mom came home from her area of business to find her two children Bob and Bobett, in a fairly pleasant state. It had not been 10 minutes after she got home that Bobbett started acting out and hitting her little brother, she also felt it was appropriate to yell, "No!" at her mother after Susan had told her to calm. In response Susan chased down a smirk Bobbett who was running back to her room, all the while thinking this disobedience was a fun game. I heard Susan say to Bobbett, "Bobbett stop right now or I will take away your milk, (a treat in this household....I don't know?)." To which of course the small child starts to cry, and the mother quickly responds, well I won' take away your milk, but you will have a time out.

This to me is bad parenting, there is not a sence of stability or consequences or accountability for actions. The child shows a slight sign of resistence and the mother caves in. And that's when I realize, that my God is nothing at all like this mother. And that frightens me.
Not becasue I think that God is not compassionate or concerned with his children and showing them love, but I just don't think he's willing to let us off the hook that easily, especially just because we've responded to his directions with a temper tantrum.
I think that the post-modern society that we live in allows us to create whatever God we'd like to. No one really questions the morals and obligations that we set for ourselves no matter how tight or loose they are. I myself am guilty af this process. I often comfort my decision making by saying that, "God is bigger then the bible, or standards set forth by the church." And as true as that statement might be, the fact is that he still gave us the bible....doesn't that mean something? So I guess the question lies in where is the wisdom that we draw from that establishes for us the way in which we choose to live? I think that in thinking about this it is important that rememebr what our purpose on this earth is....we're to be models of Christ, we are to live for him, but are we? I would hate to think that Christ would be a proud, swearing, permiscuous(sp?), social drinker (just being honest, about myself, not judging). This is not to say that Christ wouldn't hang out with people like me, but I don't think that he would engage in the same activities as those around him. I think that he would choose actions that would be moren focused on, "how can I be productive for the kingdom," and less focuse on, "how much can I get by with before I get kicked out of the kingdom?" and I think that I've lost structure here.

Anyway, all of this to say that I think in my mind I've created a lenient (again, sp?) God. A God who probably isn't as loose with his discipline as that mother was, as much as I'd like this to be true. And he definitely won't be responding to any temper tanrums that I throw. So I guess this is a challenge. I don't think it's a matter of rules and restrictions, instead it's about the effort put forth to truly be the body of Christ. In greek Christian means, "little Christ." And I can speak for myself when I say that the majority of the time the actions that I choose to make in life does not portray that I have choosen to be like Christ.

When we accept God's grace, we are told that in return we are to be different from the world. We are called to take off the old and put on the new, we should look different then the sin around us.This doesn't mean that we take on an ora of better, just different. Unortunately, most of the time I would say that I bear a striking resemblence to the world around me, and worries me.....

just hanging out...in space.....

so, the other day I was coming back from my hometown, aka M-Town, or for those of you who are not "down" with the slang, Middletown. On my way back to A-Town, I was able to be a part of something miraculous. The sunset.
Now some might say, "Miriam, the sun sets every day, how can that be something to write a blog about?" My first response would be that it's my blog and I can write whatever the hell I want to write about. Secondly, sunsets=amazing! Also, they are, in fact, inerrant. Not only that but it is something that we have in common with every single other being on this planet. how amazing is that?
So why this particular sunset? Well first off it was beeuuteeful! I was driving through the country, it had just stopped raining, and so the sky was clear, no fog, just a few clouds. The colors were outstanding as usual. It was at this point that I was reminded just how tiny and insignificant I am. And how incredible God truly is. not only that, but he's constant....just like the sun.
That is somewhat of a pitiful comparison, we can't really compare God to something that he created. However, seeing the magnitude of nature and relating it to God helps me to see how much I already trust God. If you really take the time to stop and think about it....we're just dangling.....hanging out in space, trusting, believing that the earth will keep rotating and the galaxy will not be sucked into a blakhole. That takes faith, faith in the design of the universe. How much easier would life be if we could continue to apply that magnitude of faith to all areas of out life.
One would think, one would hope, that if we can trust God with something as huge as the gravity that keeps us from floating into space, then we can also trust him to care for out financial issues, or relationship issues, or maybe even or health issues. He's big....He's real big, and yet he loves us....tiny, little, insignificant us....